i feel the need to admit something to myself. to the handful of you that find your way here. i need to admit that, for the last month or so, i have let myself languish in discontent. and although i’m not without moments of crippling gratitude i have been more often than not filled with anger. i don’t have a solution. there is no quick fix. this is a season to pass (trudge) through just like any other. but i like to think i’m getting better at it. the taking life as it comes. when it is easy and filled with wonder and when it is hard and breathtakingly “unfair.” some days are ugly. lost on a sea of my own making. others speak of healing if i choose to listen, look up, or put my hands in the dirt. and recently, right when i needed it, a dear friend sent a poem she wrote for me in the mail. she folded it intricately in the shape of a heart i can’t seem to replicate, but i’ve been carrying it around with me and reading it often..
i pray for rain
to wash the embers extinguished
to clean soot from my cracked, brittle branches
i pray for rain
thirsty for beginnings
exasperated by these false starts
and the cacophonic ticking
demanding attention to the stages
at which the hands on the Big Circle move.
i pray for reins
grateful for the anchor of a mate
when the strong tide of oblivion
pulls too often.
praying to let go
surrender & let you.
if i can let go
won’t it take me with it?
i pray for reign.
for sighs to come from contentment
patience from the all-listening ear
for how long?
what may flowers bring?
they will bring color to the gray
we’ve grown far too accustomed to.